Day 1 of This Life.

*Edited below*

I was shocked when I pulled up This Girl and the last post was dated February. I honestly thought my site was down and/or missing posts.

Nope. My site was missing ME.

I have been MIA. Lots and lots of things have happened, but I am not going to talk about them today.

Today is about Me.

Me getting to the place where, “the pain to remain the same is greater than the pain to change.”
Me saying for the last time, “I’ll start tomorrow.” “Just this last time.”
Me pointing the fingers at others; the past; the weather; lack of time.
Me just being so dang tired of it all.

I’m not just talking about working out and eating well.

I sat down and took a life assessment from a Life Coach. Wanting to get myself back on track, on the right path. It wasn’t eye opening. There were no big surprises. In fact, it was like reading pages from My Journal for the last 10 years. Ten. Years. That’s how far I went back in my journaling to verify that I really had been stuck in this rut for eternity.

Ten years ago I didn’t have the excuse of having lost a dear friend or having lost a nephew. I was actually exercising regularly. My children were 16, 15 and 10 and we were in the midst of the Glory Years where everything revolves around our children and working together to make it all possible and smoothly run.

And yet, I was still writing the same things then that I did in my Life Assessment as things that had me feeling discontent; frustrated; angry. On the flip side of that, I was also writing the same things then that I did in the assessment that make me happy and make me content. I guess that’s a good thing?

Anyway, it IS a Monday and it IS a new day. Day 1, in fact. At least that is what I wrote in my journal. *side note…I should have started a new journal to mark this occasion, but I didn’t. Bummed.*

So what does this all mean, exactly? For starters, if you haven’t guessed already, I am focusing on ME. My health. What I eat (and will no longer eat); what I will make priorities (and what needs to go); and to push through the pain of starting to exercise regularly again. I have felt led for awhile now to write about it all and to be brutally honest about it…to pull y’all in as accountability partners with me and to just keep it real. And to finally embrace what I am. And let go of what I am not.

It’s exciting, really. Like the first page of a brand new journal; a clean slate; the beginning of a new friendship and all those other cliches.

With that…I am off for a Day 1 Walk. I’ll be posting some things on social media as well so follow me on Facebook, Instagram and Snap Chat….Smiths2boys1girl.

*Day 1 update* Exercise goal for the day, 20 minute walk, done. Keep moving is also a goal. Breakfast – two organic, free range eggs, asparagus and spinach sauteed in a little grass-fed buttah…check. How did I feel while walking? It. Sucked. And, It. Hurt. But I did it and i will do it again tomorrow and the next day and the next…How do I feel now? My brain is clearing of the fog. I’m energized. I did it! I’m off to get all the stuff done. Thanks for hanging with me!


An update on the New Thing.

So…the New Thing.

On August 1 I joined One Fit Widow (1FW). Check them out. I have been following them on Facebook for a year or so. Since August 1, I’ve been detoxing…cutting out the sugar, the fried foods, the dairy, the bread and wheat and the wine. Disclaimer: I did eat sugar and wheat on August in Thanksgiving aka ChrisEasterGiving and I had a glass of Chianti two nights ago and two bites of vanilla ice cream with hot fudge another night. And guess what? I could tell. It didn’t sit well on my gut; I felt like crap. And I didn’t sleep well. BOOM. Ah-ha moment.

So. What have I been eating? Everything else! Lots of veggies. Fruit. Small amounts of lean protein. Whole grains. Salmon and tuna. Yesterday for lunch I had about 10 chips and freshly made guac. It was perfect. I ate the the rest of the guac with a fork after my allotted chips were done. I’ve been drinking tons of water and unsweetened, organic Green Tea. I’ve been walking and I’ve been hitting the gym. Ten days in…3.5 pounds down. And my morning coffee? One cup only. With a scant teaspoon of coconut palm sugar and a small splash of cream. Not half and half…whole cream (the only dairy I have). I’ve been taking a light iron supplement every other day since I was iron deficient at my last check-up. But eating dark leafy greens several times a day is slowly replacing the iron supplement. I do take my calcium, Vitamin D and my B’s. Magnesium helps my fibro. And I’ve been taking Fish Oil.

The best thing about 1FW? The support. The women on the (closed) board. The coaches. The accountability. The encouragement. So many of them have suffered loss, whether a husband or otherwise. They. Get. It. They get the need to comfort with food. They get the need to vent and be heard. They get that it’s several days of great and one major crash day. They get picking yourself up again and moving forward.

Some of the tools I’m using. My Fitness Pal. If you are honest with MFP…and yourself…that alone will hold you accountable. It was quite eye opening. No more eating mindlessly. I put everything…every bite I take of my own food and someone else’s (i.e., ice cream). I log every sip I take, water or otherwise. I have a workout plan. I have a (sketchy) meal plan. The meal plan I am still working on. I’ve been wearing my FitBit Force. It tells me how many steps I’m taking during the day and I have to tell you that the first week…I was shocked at how little I was really moving. It tells me when I have a really active time during the day. I had zero. Zip. I mean…crazy wow.

Things I’ve noticed already. I. Feel. Awesome. I haven’t had a detox crappy feeling at all. My fibromyalgia? What fibromyalgia? It is crazy. It is not a coincidence. Going into August 1 and the first couple days, my fibro was in overdrive. The last few days I would still crawl out of bed sore, stretch and feel better each passing moment. This morning? I stretched out in bed, chatting with the kitties, and I realized I wasn’t stiff. I was pleasantly sore from working out. I jumped out of bed and didn’t have to do the bent over, granny shuffle. Ten days people. Ten. Days. This morning I had an extra half cup of coffee cuz it’s Sunday, The Lord’s Day and we all know He made coffee for us coffee lovers. And a smoothie made with unsweetened almond milk, unsweetened coconut water, fresh blueberries, a scoop of vanilla hemp protein powder and two big handfuls of power greens…kale and collards. No sweetener of any kind, not even honey, although I did toss in a teaspoon of bee pollen. Top off with a handful of ice and my Ninja did the rest. Yummy.

Since I’ve been posting on the 1FW board, I haven’t updated my facebook page much, but will do so starting this week, I hope.

Love you guys.

A rambling list of new things.

So I gave up on last week’s New Thing and have moved on to a New, New Thing.

Just kidding. But really, I know you want to know how the New Thing is progressing. Fine and dandy, actually. I’m not here to chat about that this morning, however. Today…a list.

Just for you, Di.

1. Beach week is fast approaching and I still have 50 pounds to lose. That would be 25 pounds each day so…I’m guessing this year is a no-go for the big weight-loss bikini reveal at the beach picture. Maybe For sure next year. *I promise…you will not have to see me in a bikini unless it’s that pic I just ran across from when I was 18 and even then…nope*

2. I’ve really, really had to loosen the old control reins/umbilical cord on The Wild Boy since graduation. As he reminded me a zillion few times, he will be doing what he wants in just a month or so anyway so what’s the difference now? Yep…that comment brought loads of comfort to my controlling momma bear personality.

How I long for those days, these days!

3. In other news, I’ve enrolled as a full time student at Radford University and am awaiting my dorm assignment. Already got my roommate lined up and his initials are BJS.

4. My Man and I are seriously ready to be empty-nesters. He keeps putting the ladder up to My Girl’s bedroom window and Her Guy keeps taking it down and putting it back underneath the deck. Clearly The Big Boy is never leaving either. Why would he? He has the dungeon to himself with all the amenities a twenty-something needs…a bed, a fridge a comfy chair, big-screen tv and X-Box Live.

Always a bridesmaid…but a stunning bridesmaid at that. Trav is okay, too, I guess.
We are so ready for this next stage…we adore our Ella Mac! Thankfully, she lives right next door.
5. I’ve hit that really awkward stage. Semi-menopausal with teenager tendencies. You know what I mean…when I can actually remember how old I am I try to forget by cranking up some Oldies (from the 90’s) and pull out my yarn bag to work on my crocheting.

6. I am loving shopping at Costco these days. How did I never really discover this mecca of good stuff until now? We would purchase the occasional cake now and then, but really it is just now that I shop there regularly. My other fave shopping place is Trader Joe’s. Mercy. Every time I shop there two things happen: 1. I find tons of new items to try and 2. I get into an altercation with someone driving the wrong way in the one-way lane in the parking lot. Seriously, why do people do that? And more importantly, why does it infuriate me so? I guess I’ve always been a rule-follower at heart. Except for rules that were clearly made to be suggestions like the speed limit, curfew and the number of items allowed in the express check out. But going the wrong direction in the Trader Joe’s parking lot? Capital Offense, baby, and I am always one four-letter word short of making a citizen’s arrest.

Okay, Di. I hope this satisfies your love of my lists and will hold you over until the next one. I will check in with y’all Beach-side.

Time flies when you’re Lost…

A list…

1. I’m still 7 pounds down on the weight loss challenge. Woo-hoo!

2. Unfortunately, I think it is all stress/anxiety driven.

3. But I’ll take it.

4. Joining Weight Watchers on June 1.

5. But only the online version.

6. Because I know, without a doubt, that I will completely and totally blow off the meetings.

7. But I have someone to hold me accountable.

8. It is not my spouse.

9. But he’s doing Weight Watcher’s, too.

10. He just doesn’t know it.

11. I’m totally hooked on Lost again.

12. I’m glad Sayid, Jin & Bernard survived.

13. I’m sorry Kate survived. And Ben.

14. I kind of liked Charlie toward the end.

15. I knew, just KNEW, that all of the Jack “flashbacks” were really Jack “flashforwards“.

16. But then…why did he say, “go upstairs and get my father and if he’s more drunk than me…”?

17. Hmmmmm.

18. Heading off to a LONG…all weekend long, including Monday…volleyball tournament this weekend in Richmond.

19. Might be able to check in since my spousal unit is bringing his laptop.

20. Since My Girl will be rooming with the other girls, we’ll be in a hotel room, all by ourselves, all weekend long, and you know what that means!

21. Sleep, blessed sleep!

May Day Weight Loss Challenge Day 1

I just had my daughter take my “fat” “before” picture. Got to love this girl. When I gasped with horror and disgust she said, “but mom…you can SO see your rock hard abs!”

Those aren’t abs, honey, those are rolls.

She had me take a “before she got buff” photo and exclaimed…”ugh…look at my love handles!”

Those aren’t love handles, honey, those are your hip bones sticking out.

Yep…it’s going to be a long haul.

But I’m up for the challenge.

I’m going to print my before photo and carry it with me…crazy glue it to the inside of my wallet so that when I’m reaching for that $$$ to pay for that drive thru, sit down, fattening, unhealthy, whatever food, my hips and abs rolls will remind me to STEP AWAY FROM THE COUNTER/DRIVE THRU WINDOW.

I’m not going to publish my “before” photo until I have a good “after” photo to go next to it, nor publish my beginning pounds.

But I will share that I want to lose 20 30 40 oh, let’s just say 46…one for each year I’ve been on this earth.

Tomorrow, I’ll start posting my food intake and exercise.

Let’s roll…no pun intended.