I was shocked when I pulled up This Girl and the last post was dated February. I honestly thought my site was down and/or missing posts.
Nope. My site was missing ME.
I have been MIA. Lots and lots of things have happened, but I am not going to talk about them today.
Today is about Me.
Me getting to the place where, “the pain to remain the same is greater than the pain to change.”
Me saying for the last time, “I’ll start tomorrow.” “Just this last time.”
Me pointing the fingers at others; the past; the weather; lack of time.
Me just being so dang tired of it all.
I’m not just talking about working out and eating well.
I sat down and took a life assessment from a Life Coach. Wanting to get myself back on track, on the right path. It wasn’t eye opening. There were no big surprises. In fact, it was like reading pages from My Journal for the last 10 years. Ten. Years. That’s how far I went back in my journaling to verify that I really had been stuck in this rut for eternity.
Ten years ago I didn’t have the excuse of having lost a dear friend or having lost a nephew. I was actually exercising regularly. My children were 16, 15 and 10 and we were in the midst of the Glory Years where everything revolves around our children and working together to make it all possible and smoothly run.
And yet, I was still writing the same things then that I did in my Life Assessment as things that had me feeling discontent; frustrated; angry. On the flip side of that, I was also writing the same things then that I did in the assessment that make me happy and make me content. I guess that’s a good thing?
Anyway, it IS a Monday and it IS a new day. Day 1, in fact. At least that is what I wrote in my journal. *side note…I should have started a new journal to mark this occasion, but I didn’t. Bummed.*
So what does this all mean, exactly? For starters, if you haven’t guessed already, I am focusing on ME. My health. What I eat (and will no longer eat); what I will make priorities (and what needs to go); and to push through the pain of starting to exercise regularly again. I have felt led for awhile now to write about it all and to be brutally honest about it…to pull y’all in as accountability partners with me and to just keep it real. And to finally embrace what I am. And let go of what I am not.
It’s exciting, really. Like the first page of a brand new journal; a clean slate; the beginning of a new friendship and all those other cliches.
*Day 1 update* Exercise goal for the day, 20 minute walk, done. Keep moving is also a goal. Breakfast – two organic, free range eggs, asparagus and spinach sauteed in a little grass-fed buttah…check. How did I feel while walking? It. Sucked. And, It. Hurt. But I did it and i will do it again tomorrow and the next day and the next…How do I feel now? My brain is clearing of the fog. I’m energized. I did it! I’m off to get all the stuff done. Thanks for hanging with me!