Turning mourning into Gladness.

It’s snowing again. Shhhh…don’t tell anyone but…I love it. I don’t care that it is almost April. It’s not that I don’t love Spring. I do. A lot. But fast upon the heels of Spring comes Summer and all her in-your-face heat, humidity and ‘hey, good luck with that hair gel’ nonsense. Don’t even talk to me about swimsuits. I suppose I’m even less looking forward to Summer this year *as if that’s possible* because we are not going to the beach for the first time in, like, forever. Even the year we did the Disney cruise and two weeks in Germany, we still went to the beach that Summer. I did get two brand spankin’ new bathrooms out of this 2014 deal, but will miss our annual beach week.

The white and gray bleakness of this Winter has fit right in with my mood this season. I can’t ever remember struggling with the darkness like I have the last six months. Impossible to see while living it, looking back I can see so clearly. I’ve focused on the lost; the regret; the pain. I’ve seen the joy; the light; and happiness but as if through fwog *The Wild Boy’s baby terminology for ‘fog’ and I just love it so much I can’t go back to the correct pronunciation.*

On the drive home from Roanoke last Sunday, I had a good out loud discussion with God. Sure, I was the only one speaking out loud, but you know what I mean. I told Him I just can’t go on like this anymore. Something has got to give. Someone has to do something. I turned my crying to crying out; my internal raging to external raging to the only One who can really get things started. 

I’ve really struggled with guilt. The times I feel happy, feel Joy, I also feel guilt. How dare I be happy when we have had so much loss! As I shouted out those thoughts, Jeremiah 31:13 covered me:

I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.

It doesn’t say not to mourn, not to have sorrow. But in our mourning there will be gladness; our sorrow will give way to comfort and joy. Not of our own doing, but by His.

Will I still mourn the preciousness we have lost? Always. Will I continue to feel times of sorrow? Until the day I die. But today, I am turning to the Comforter for my promised gladness, comfort and joy.

A random list and "You are What you Eat"

I’ve missed my lists. Here is a random one commemorating March 1.

1. I love Winter. Snow. Cold. Layers of warm clothes to cover layers of fat and cellulite *maybe that one is just me*. Fireplace. Snuggle-kitties. But what I love most about Winter is Spring. Very often, at least here in the incredibly beautiful Commonwealth of Virginia, Winter moves directly from cold, wind, snow and ice to sunshine, warm temps and green. I’m hoping that is the case this year. Give us one more big snow, Old Man Winter, than move on out and let Spring have her day.

2. I haven’t forgotten my commitment to get on with it…this whole eating better, moving more thing. I’m on it. Slightly side-tracked by some stuff, but on it. More on that soon.

3. My house is a disaster. No, really, this time it is the truth. The forever-known-as-yellow-bath *which is now white and slate tones* is almost complete. I cancelled the back ordered hurky Pottery Barn medicine cabinet…here she is and she is lovely…because I decided it really was just too big and bulky for this bathroom. I ordered a lovely oval, beveled mirror in it’s stead and can’t wait for it to arrive.

4. In other news, I’ve already begun lecturing the darlings about new bathroom etiquette. Mostly, I’m pretty sure I will end up locking the door to the new bathroom and making everyone shower, shave, etc., outside. *come on Spring!* I anticipate a renewal of mom-yelling in this department.

5. Did I mention my house is trashed right now? Sure, I have a new bathroom and a new commode in the kitchen powder room but the dust and muck and displacement of everything is driving me crazy. I have totally not forgotten THE NEW APPLIANCES. Oh. My. Word. It scares me a tiny bit at how over-the-top-bubbly-excited I am about them. But wait! There’s more! We picked up the new over-the-stove microwave from Lowe’s the other night and she is a beauty. Bucky, our favorite site-manager picked up a lovely piece of wood and is making a shelf for the microwave including staining it to match our current oak cabinets. Next up for the kitchen will be knobs and pulls for the cabinets, and painting.

6. Clearly, the Smith motto with home upgrades is go big or go home. There are other things in the works but I will bore you with those details later. Pics of the before and after forever-known-as-the-yellow-bathroom will be up next week after the mirror arrives and is in place.

7. Ordered The Wild Boy’s dorm room set last night…I’m sure most schools do this now. Radford has an agreement with Bed, Bath and Beyond and you can order a package deal of sheets, towels, etc., for a reduced price. So we did. And I was totally cool about it. Mostly because he and I barely speak to each other these days. It’s God’s way of making the break easier. Right? Right? I do remember it with The Big Boy. We actually like each now…mostly…and I’m sure The Wild Boy, aka My Baby, and I will work it all out. Some day.

I’ll leave you with this: You are What you Eat. It’s my new food bible. Check it out here:

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