Change.

I don’t ever recall change bothering me more than change bothers the average person.

All that has changed now.

Change sucks.

I would always get impatient with my grandparents about not wanting to do something different, go here or there. I continued with that impatient, lack of grace, with my own parents and in-laws.

Now I’m there. I don’t like change. I don’t like it one bit.

A first born child turning eighteen, graduating from high school and heading three hours south-west to college.

An incredible BFF moving to Montana.

Montana. Might as well be Africa.

My baby already 5’10” at twelve years old heading into middle school.

I look around our church home and see a large handful of families leaving…one to Pastor a church (Praise Jesus!), military families moving on to their next assignment or retiring.

I have really struggled with this season of change. I cry all the time. I don’t sleep more than a few hours every night. I have bouts of anxiety the likes of which I haven’t experienced in years. My highs are very high. My lows, well, they’re pretty bad. It has begun to impact my health in a huge, debilitating way.

And, yet…

There has been an incredible sweetness in all of this. A draw to the One True God that, even if I wanted to…and for awhile I did…I couldn’t resist.

My senses have an acute awareness to them that I can’t ever remember experiencing before. Especially one of my senses. My Girls…Jill, Lori, Jen and Vee…call it my Spidey Sense. God calls it Discernment. The ability to see the unseen, feel the intangible, know without really knowing how.

I knew awhile back that I was going to be heading into a difficult season. Frankly, I’m taken aback by just how difficult it has been. I’m also surprised that I can see it all so clearly.

I’m losing a child, but only to college. Unlike so many around me who have lost a child until they are reunited in Heaven.

One of the dearest friends I have ever had is moving, but we can still talk on the phone, blog together, fly to see each other.

My baby is twelve and moving into scary, stuff-of-my-nightmares-middle-school, but he’s our third one to do it and we survived (okay, barely) the first two going.

With all of the families leaving our church, God is bringing new families in every week.

My health is declining, but most likely only for a time. I know that I need to get a handle on it…have known for a few years…and I pray He will cover me with His Grace again and get me on the path to healing.

I am very thankful during this difficult season. Very.