January 23, 2020.

The sunrise this morning was amazing. I didn’t even bother to try to capture it on a mere camera. It was clearly meant to be enjoyed by God-created lenses and not disrupted by a frantic search for a camera or iPhone. (Who am I kidding? My iPhone was and always is in my hand.) I couldn’t pull away from the pinks and purples and reds and yellows and blues and silvers this morning for anything. The colors caught my attention, but the meaning behind this sunrise held me there. God is in control. A God that can create such glorious wonders as a sunrise, a sunset, flowers, creatures, babies…can not be shut down by anyone or anything. God is in complete control of every detail. One of the, if not the most often uttered command from God is, “do not fear.” I (momentarily) succumbed to fear. And panic. And worry. And ran headlong into crisis mode. None of this means I should stand down and let life or circumstance run over me. To the contrary. Pushing past fear and embracing Truth is the only way. Standing up and fighting for what is right with confidence and courage. Knowing that nothing that happens is a surprise to Him. That is how I’ve come through trauma and tragedy in the past and that is how I will face the future. To be honest, I don’t handle massive quantities of change well. As the husband of my youth and I plan and prepare for the next stage of our life together I thought I had a grip on things. (Always my first mistake.) I was cool leaving our house of 26 years; the house we raised our children in; hosted family and friends in; mourned and grieved in; celebrated and partied in. I spent some time grieving it and moved on. But not really and nor do I want to. We lived in this house for (someone do the percentages for me) 26 of our 36 years of marriage. We lived in this house longer than any other family lived in this house. It is and always will be a part of me; of us. I have much, much more to write about this portion of our life, and will do so later, but for now I’ve left the fear and the panic of the unknown and the out-of-my-control, behind me. I am able to breathe deeply, without my heart racing and stomach and mind churning. It’s a new day with the promise of God that He is in charge and that I don’t need to be. What a joy-filled relief that is.

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