I do what I want.

Andy was known to say this, but the truth is, he got the “I do what I want” gene from me. This gene came down the Hart/Wheeler gene pool to his Nana and she passed it on to me. My sister also received this gene, but mostly, she was able to suppress it. Not so her boy nor her big sister.

Some mornings I wake up and, while still lying in bed, I reach for my iPhone and quickly hit the highlights on Facebook, my home email, and Twitter. This morning I went to Twitter first and Beth Moore had tweeted a photo and the caption read: “Settle down.” I clicked on the picture link thinking it would be a picture of her sweet dogs, but it was a photo of hand-written scripture on an index card that read:

“Your salvation requires you to turn back to me and stop your silly efforts to save yourselves. Your strength will come from SETTLING DOWN (Beth’s emphasis) in complete dependence on me. Isaiah 30:15, The Message”

Even though Beth had the scripture written there, I still ran to get my The Message bible to look it up myself. The next line also states, and it’s a killer, baby, “The very thing you’ve been unwilling to do.” Let’s read that again, because I know I need to: “THE very thing you’ve been UNWILLING to do [Susan].” (Emphasis mine.) I like to add [Susan] to scriptures that really speak to me and it helps me to make them mine.

You see, I’ve really been struggling lately with my old nemesis: disobedience. Also known as, “I do what I want.” This is nothing new…I have always been disobedient, rebellious, all those “not words you really want used to describe yourself.” Funny thing is, I also know that it doesn’t work for me. I was texting with my best girlfriend, Joanne, this week and told her the same exact thing. She has been “encouraging” me (bossing me, actually) to do something I know I am supposed to be doing but don’t want to do because I’m a big, fat, chicken and I told her I haven’t been doing it. I also went on to say everything else in my life (a bit of an over-exaggeration) is spiraling out of control because of this lack of obedience in this one area. She reminded me I just need to do the thing.

Setting down. I just looked up this verse in the NIV. It, too, is a killer:

“In repentance and rest is your salvation,
    in quietness and trust is your strength,
    but you would have none of it.” (Isaiah 30:15, NIV)

“But you [Susan] would have none of it.” Seriously. So describes me.  “You, Lord, can keep your repentance and rest, quietness and trust…I will have none of it.” Translation: I do what I want. Notice the connecting words:  repentance, rest; quietness, trust. I keep saying these four words over and over and they calm me; they quiet me; they settle into my soul like a light blanket of powdery snow that quiets my heart and my disobedience.

For the record, I’ve been doing the thing lately. Seeking God’s will and His command for what I am to be doing, and often more importantly, what I am to not be doing. Obedience. It is challenging for a rebel like me, but when I come back around to embrace it? The reward and the peace are so worth it.

By the way, when our Andy would say to his momma, “I do what I want,” he would always follow that up with, “is that okay with you, mom?” If I could just remember that.

“I do what I want. Is that okay with you, God?”

Love you guys. Go do the thing today.

(Andy and Doo-Doo)

2 thoughts on “I do what I want.

  1. Are you and Joanne coordinating your blogs? She mentioned you on Tuesday and you mention her today. It's a nice connection. Support from friends to do the hard stuff.

Leave a Reply