I Have been Grieving, Y’all.

First of all. We had to put down our 13 year old Murphy this week. She was completely blind. Mostly deaf. Arthritic. Full of tumors. Still as sweet as the first moment we found her at the pound in Front Royal when she was a pup.

She shed unimaginable mounds of hair…every day. She loved to eat sticks of butter off the counter (and in the last few months…hers and our other dog’s poop).

We will miss her. The house is strangely quiet without her. Our other dog, Samantha, is moping and grieving in her own way.

Secondly. I have had a general plan for our children since before they were born. You know the one…they love you and obey you. They know and love Jesus. They do well in school and in sports. They graduate from high school and move away to college. They major in and find work in a field they love. They eventually find the perfect mate, the one God has chosen for them, the one you have prayed for since they were born. They get married, have children. Yadda Yadda.

I’m sure you recognized the fatal flaw.

I have had a plan. When am I going to learn that it is not my plan? It is His plan.

I am not in control. He is in control.

Our sweet girl has always struggled in school. She was diagnosed with ADD whilst in the second grade. Along with ADD and school struggles often comes self-esteem issues. She has struggled with that, too. Eating disorders. Yup. Been there. Self-confidence problems. Definitely. Especially on the volleyball court. The need to be perfect. Oh, yes. See it in her daily.

All along I have prayed for her. Begged God to release her from this. To rise her above it. Supernaturally empowering her with abilities. And I believe He has. Not always in the way I have wanted or expected.

He is in control. His plan is in action.

I think that I cling so tightly to her volleyball because it is something she is successful in. She is a very talented athlete. I know that, with a lot of studying and focus, she is able to attain good grades. I have always expected her to graduate from high school and move away to college. Possibly to play college volleyball. Even if it is Division III ball (she is a petite thing for an outside hitter, after all). Her high school coach, a former college coach and recruiter, told her and us that she is definitely a candidate to play in college.

And man’s plans continue.

While God often has another plan.

Over the last couple of weeks, He has kicking and screaming gently led me down the path to the realization that His plan is for Sarah to not go off to college. But to stay at home. Go full time to the local community college. Get her feet wet. Feel her way through the first couple of years of college in a safe and more comfortable way for her.

I have fought it. I have railed against it, denied it. And tried to take everyone along with me. Sarah herself finally convinced me. She wants the community college route. For now.

The final blow was learning this week that her varsity coach wouldn’t be returning next season. He has been her biggest supporter. Benching her for several weeks to make her a better, stronger mental player. Knowing her competitiveness would win out. And it worked. And we recognized it and thanked him for it. Eventually. And now he wasn’t coming back for her senior year.

And in the final reminder that yet again it is His plan…coach met with the girls after school yesterday to officially break the news to them.

He’s not coming back to coach them next year.

He’s moving on to start up a new women’s college volleyball program.

A local college.

A local community college.

The same community college Sarah will be attending in the fall of 2009.

I don’t know about y’all…but I don’t believe in coincidence.

I believe in Him.

6 thoughts on “I Have been Grieving, Y’all.

  1. And there you have it…His plan really is best. :0)I’m sorry about Murphy, I know you will miss her, give Sam a pet for me.Love you,

  2. Wonderful.Thank you for your sweet comments that you left today. They were a much needed encouragement. I’d been contemplating quitting writing and blogging altogether. Now, I may take a break, but probably won’t quit altogher.

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