Several years ago, my beloved Interim Pastor informed me that I was a Type A personality.
That explains a lot.
When I gasped and said, “Huh? What? Me? Nuh-uh!”, he laughed and said, “you are a classic control freak.” Then he gave me a big old hug and told me that’s just the way it is.
Since then, I have had it confirmed. By professionals. As well as my own beloved family. Most of whom should recognize my controlling tendencies since I got it from their gene pool.
Usually, I’m able to control my controlling tendencies. Oh, wait. I just read that out loud.
Seriously, though…I can usually hide it fairly well. At least in Susan’s Fantasy Make-Believe Non-Reality World.
The last few weeks, however, I have been in a tail-spin. I have not been able to control anything!
And it is infuriating me.
‘Course I didn’t know all of that until I decided to go back on speaking terms with God. And once He confirmed it, I stopped speaking to Him again.
And in that, no…you’re not getting off that easily way of His…
He has been blasting me with both barrels.
I am in control of nothing!
Every single bit of my life is spinning out of control.
And it is really annoying.
I had totally planned on taking my own little sabbatical while my boss is on sabbatical.
I haven’t gotten a single thing done.
It came to me this morning that all of this going on is tied in with this. When I said to God that I was ready to be used by Him to do whatever He wanted me to…I neglected to turn the control over to Him.
I’m thinking that giving up the control to Him is going to be an integral part of Him being able to use me. And since I said, “use me” He is taking me at my word and forcing me to give up control.
Thus…my world spinning out of control.
I’m at the office now. The place is empty, but for me. And the sanctuary…both physical and spiritual…is calling. I’ve got to answer. I’ve got to obey.
And give up control.
But I’m not the least bit happy about it.
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:2