What to do…what to do.

It is a stunning September day. As I write this, I am sitting on the back porch. There’s a bit of a breeze. Thermometer reads 72 degrees. I have a West Springfield Spartan Football sweatshirt on. Two kitties and a Golden are keeping me company. Perfection.

I haven’t been sleeping well lately. Can’t seem to turn my brain off. Had tons and tons of writing ideas pop into my head last night but I hate getting back out of bed because it disturbs My Man and he can’t sleep without me there. *yeah, right* There’s no shortage of snoring when I’m still working in the office and he’s in bed “not sleeping.” But last night I decided to just roll with the ideas, think them through a bit and, instead of getting up and writing them down or typing them up, I shot up an arrow prayer asking God to remind me of the ideas in the morning or whenever He felt it was time for me to write them up. After all, He is the Originator of them.

While thinking about all of this earlier this morning I realized I have no earthly idea what I am doing these days. I walk in the morning with Annette, I do laundry, cook, bake, clean, go to the church office and work, keep up with the Wild Boy, My Girl and the Big Boy and get all in their biz, but what am I, Susan, doing? My mom pointed this out to me, repeatedly *grin* while I was in Roanoke for dad’s surgery. She commented on the nervous twitch of my eyebrow and proceeded to lecture me on not doing anything for me, myself and I. Mom’s are allowed to lecture their grown-up children at any time, by the way. It’s the law. Remember that, Shawn, Sarah, and Brett.

Mom’s nudging had me mumbling under my breath, “I don’t even know what that looks like anymore.” Not as a whine or complaint, but as fact. I think we, as mom’s (and you dad’s out there, also) get pushed to the background as we focus on raising our children. Definitely when they are littles, since they actually need us. Less so, maybe as they grow, but by that time, at least in my case, I had totally forgotten who me was. Again, not a complaint and I certainly don’t regret focusing on my children; in fact, that was always how Russell and I decided we wanted to do parenting. He pushed his career aside after being on the fast track, and made our family his priority over career, money, etc. He wanted to coach our kids in sports, attend all their school stuff, announce games, etc. Now that we are on the other side of that decision, we know, for us that was the right decision. He is far, far away from where he would have been in his career if he hadn’t stepped back in 2000, but we firmly believe God will continue to honor our decision and has ten times over already. He has more time now to focus on his career and I have more time to…what, exactly?

So God and I are discussing all of this. I have a feel for where He is leading, but there are some things I know that I need to do first. Obedient and disciplined things. I hate those two words, by the way. They are the bane of my existence. Which is exactly why I must follow through on them before I will be allowed to move forward. 

In the meantime, while I’m working on my discipline and obedience, I’ll continue doing what I do best…drive my children crazy by asking them a gazillion questions about what’s going in their lives. It’s the law, after all.

Love you guys. Chat soon.

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