Dear God, may I please have my life back now?

I have felt particularly whiny today. I haven’t verbalized it much. Except for a 45 second rant at my uber stressed out husband who calmly looked at me and said, “okay, but I’d like for you to go with me to the meeting with the realtor.”

I immediately felt ashamed for blurting out, “I have had enough of this.”

Cuz seriously, dude, The Man has had it up to here when I have only had it up to there. You know what I mean. *hand to neck vice hand to chest*

So this morning I played hooky from Sunday School and church. I had announced last night that I was going to do this so I guess it’s not really hooky when everyone knows about it and it did lose some of it’s appeal by the time this morning rolled around. But I was determined.

And yes, I really missed being at Sunday school and church with everyone.

However, I did work on my bible study homework and I knew when I started this one particular day’s worth of homework that it was all part of The Plan for me to have not done it last week *ahem* and to be *frantically* trying to catch up today. And tonight.

I’ll just throw out some of Bethie’s words from today’s lesson

  • deception
  • rebellion
  • giving up
  • God bestows

This day’s homework really had me thinking; praying; engaging; weeping; writing; repenting and a whole lot of other “ing” words.

Sadly, I have to confess, my rant at my husband and subsequent, “I want my life back” was AFTER I did today’s lesson. No one’s perfect. Oh, wait, perfect was also a word from today’s lesson as in, “every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1:17, NIV.

“…who does not change like shifting shadows” totally captivated me. “Shifting shadows” and “deception” and “rebellion” are all intertwined in my brain now.

So, you may be asking yourself, as I was asking myself this morning, what does “every good and perfect gift is from above…” and “shifting shadows” and “deception” and “rebellion” have to do with “I want my life back…NOW?” Well, I’m here to tell you what it means for me. Ready? Here it is:

This IS my life.

There it is. Or maybe…THIS is my life. Or is it…this is MY life. No matter how I said it (and it was planted in my heart and in my brain by the One who bestows good and perfect gifts upon me, and you, by the way) it rang true.

this is my life

it was bestowed upon me by the God of Heaven

i don’t always like it

i don’t always ask for it to be this way

Would I say that every part of it was good? From a human standpoint…read: “pain”…absolutely not. But does God make good out of bad (or even horrific?)…yes.

Ya know, I can’t even let my mind and heart go to the “God allows everything that happens” place. At least not very often. Do I believe that statement is true? Yes, I do. And I know that I need to go there. Eventually.

For today, though, I am sticking with the following:

This is my life. And it is good.

Love y’all.

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