Well, it’s Saturday and we are NOT in Dumfries. Woo-hoo!
We are officially on “stand down.” At Greensprings today (Jackson Court, for those who know anything about GS), Grandad signed the contract for his 2 bedroom, 1.5 bath apartment. Move in date is December 30; earlier if his apartment is ready (new carpet, floors, counters, paint, shower stall, dishwasher, fridge). My Man made the monumental decision that yes, we should wait to put the house on the market after Alvin moves. Thankfully, Alvin was very amenable to all of it and we were in and outta there pretty quickly. Lunch at Saratoga Family Restaurant was very pleasant. Afterwards, however, I think it all caught up with him and it was time to head home. Russell says it’s been pretty tough since then.
*As I’m writing this post, I’m watching NCIS…is this ever a surprise to anyone, anymore?*
I gotta share with y’all what happened to me yesterday. I received a text from My Beloved asking me to metro down to Pentagon City and go to dinner with him. Heck yeah. My favorite Pastor took me to the metro and dropped me off. I headed on in, got my one way pass and stepped onto the platform just as a train pulled away. I knew it would only be a few minutes til the next train pulled in…it was rush hour, after all. I have honestly been feeling okay this week. Sleeping on and off, but that’s nothing new. The train pulled in and after the unload, I climbed aboard and sat down. And immediately had a panic attack. What the heck? (speaking of what the heck, have y’all seen this? Oh. My. Word. Sarah and I still quote it regularly. Hilariously adorable!) In a previous life, I probably would have gotten back off the train. I stuck with it and, like a big girl, made it all the way to Pentagon City. Upon arrival, I started to phone My Man, but, because God is so very good, he was standing there waiting for me. We met up with his office folks for a drink and then he and I headed to My Girl’s restaurant to have dinner.
I wanted to talk to you about the panic attack. I haven’t had one in years. If you know anything about stress, you know that stress is cumulative. Panic attacks often occur, for me anyway, after a prolonged period of stress. Prolonged period of stress. It’s funny. I haven’t felt stressed out. I mean, intellectually, of course I know I’m stressed out and I know that it will and has affected me physically. Sleeplessness. Gut aches. Heart palps. My fibromyalgia kicks in now and then. But considering what has been going on in my life, I’ve actually felt pretty good.
Anyway, the panic attack last night led to a really stressed out Me today. I woke up on edge. Wired. I hate it. Hate it. There are some things coming up that are going to be really hard to go through. More stress. After rushing around all day, I came out of Whole Foods and had to take a moment. I called a friend and told her to just talk me down. And she did. We talked about the immediate future and I verbalized my thoughts: “why, God? Why all of this…now?” The answer? Maybe all of the things going before are helping prepare me for the coming up. Instead of seeing it as stress overload, maybe it will help me to see things in a new light. In His light. I’m definitely much more sensitive to everyone and everything around me; so much more aware of the hurt and pain and trauma of others.
My prayer is that each of us will take a moment each morning to prepare our hearts for the hurting and heart broken people we will encounter that day.
I think that is what it is all about.
I love y’all. See you soon.
4 thoughts on “If it’s Saturday…”
Susan=I will be playing bridge at Jackson Court on Tuesday in room 214. I think he will eventually like the place but I am sure it will take time. If he is a joiner there is always something to do.
Your words are life Sooz.
I had my first panic attack a couple of weeks ago… scary!
I think you are right about god preparing you for something but don't rule out the possibility that it also might be for others. Through all this has come your blog (again) and I bet a LOT of your stuff is meant to teach the rest of us as well. God is DEFINATELY using all of this.
He has a plan and someday we will know it and go… “OHHHH… I see!”. 🙂
Oh Honey Girl, I am praying for you. And for your family. Love you so!