Ways to make your 17 year old daughter’s mouth drop open in stunned silence…

:: Use “that’s what she said” appropriately (or inappropriately, as the case may be).

:: Announce, casually, that you have been using her hair straightener. Every day. For the past month. (For some reason, this just positively astounded her…I don’t get it.)

:: Talk openly about sex with her, whenever possible. Ask detailed questions and (here’s the tricky part) calmly and quietly accept her detailed answers (my mouth has gone dry and my heart is palpitating just thinking about that conversation…but trust me when I tell you it was good…do it, I beg of you, moms!)

:: Confirm that you know exactly what MILF means. (And if you don’t know…you need to brush up on the lingo.)

:: Tell her, “sure…you can go to Beach Week” (wait for it) “but dad and I are coming too and you have to stay with us.”

:: Go right along with it when she starts talking about marrying her boyfriend. After all, her father and I met when I was a freshman in high school and he was a junior. It SO could happen!

A note to my mother: If I had known it was going to be this hard…I totally get what you went through now and I am SO SORRY.