I think I’m going to be okay.

It is true that I am sad and I miss my bff, Jill. A lot.

It is true that my muscles and joints are sore and I had a wicked headache today, which I was able to sleep off with the help of Motrin and my beloved who, when I asked him, “could we all talk quietly for an hour so that I can take a nap and try to sleep off this migraine?” stomped (his usual walk, by the way) to the top of the stairs and hollered out (not once, not twice, but three times), “EVERYONE BE QUIET AND KEEP IT DOWN…MOM’S TRYING TO NAP BECAUSE SHE HAS A MIGRAINE!!!!”

LOL. Gotta love that man. There is nothing quiet or unmanly about him. Which is, I’m sure, what attracted me to him in the first place.

So, after all the hollering died down, I was able to take a cat nap for about 10 minutes, wake up, gauge that while better…still had a headache, and promptly fell asleep for an hour. An hour! And I woke up oh. so. much. better.

Then there is this deal that God and I have going on. That sounds funny as I read it back. But it’s true. There is this ongoing shall-we-say thing in my life that I’m try to get over-with once and for all. It is my deepest, darkest, hugest, ugliest pit and I totally found myself on the edge of it again this week, peering down into the lovely, tastefully decorated, warm-and-inviting (for a mere moment) darkness of it with one foot firmly on a banana peel. So I did what I know Beth Moore would be proud of…I got down on my face and cried out to my God. He answered! Immediately. Firmly. With so many directions to scriptures that I wept with thankfulness and praise!

There was also the caveat. Basically, it was this: “Susan, you must keep your mouth shut.” You see…over this particular issue, I tend to get, well…mouthy about it. I’ll say stuff I don’t need to say. Think about things I don’t need to be thinkin’ on. All of which just digs me deeper in my (purple embellished) pit.

Oh, I tried to skirt the caveat…”but, God, what if I just say…”. No. “But, God, if I only said….”. No. When I had finally exhausted all of my, “what if’s and if only’s” and I stopped blabbering, I had this from Him, “Susan. You must obey me on this. Not. A. Word.”

My tummy was in knots. I confessed to Him that I am totally incapable of keeping me mouth shut! It’s true. Open mouth…I start babbling. I also confessed that I needed His help on this. I can’t do it alone. I can’t do it by myself. Oops…there it is. I’m not supposed to do it by myself. Sigh.

I always forget that part. Thus…the blabbering.

So. Tonight. It happened. The opportunity to blabber. To open mouth and go off. And a totally unexpected, wonderfully amazing thing happened. No blabber. In fact, the entire situation took such a surprising turn…I walked away blessed! Yep. That’s right. Blessed.

Our God is an awesome God. There is a reason He has me jumping ahead to Psalm 103. Over and over. Every day. Not just reading it. Praying it. Out loud.

Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-
who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.
He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel:
The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.

…Praise the LORD, O my soul.

4 thoughts on “I think I’m going to be okay.

  1. And then on top of the headache, you had some crazy stalker calling your cell phone…I am so glad to see this post. You are in a good place.I know you still miss Jill. Do whatever you need to do as you grieve…cut yourself some slack, because it is hard heart stuff.<3

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  2. Loved this!I know that God can do what he says he can do. But sometimes I still get all surprised when he does. And I’m with you on keeping the mouth shut. I was praying about that just now. For God to set a guard over my lips. Because I want a pure heart, I want to be clean before him, and my mouth is the thing that gets me in trouble the most.

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