Post 150…More Proof I am Still Becoming This Girl.

Today’s lesson in Stepping Up is Psalm 123. Contempt. Disrespect.

1 I lift up my eyes to you,
to you whose throne is in heaven.
2 As the eyes of slaves look to the hand of their master,

as the eyes of a maid look to the hand of her mistress,
so our eyes look to the LORD our God,
till he shows us his mercy.
3 Have mercy on us, O LORD, have mercy on us,

for we have endured much contempt.
4 We have endured much ridicule from the proud,

much contempt from the arrogant.

When I dropped The Man off at the Metro station this morning (snow, ice, broken down vehicle at the shop), he asked me what I was going to do today. I had gotten my office work together yesterday so that I wouldn’t have to go in today if I so chose. I was a day behind in my bible study. A day or two behind in my 90 Days with David. And I need an attitude change. All of which I told The Man I would be working on this morning. The kids are on two hour delay for school due to the road conditions. I knew the house would be warm. Silent. Comforting. Perfect.

I had to write my own Psalm 123 at the end of today’s lesson. I let God’s words to me flow from my (purple) pen onto the paper.

Father, please forgive me for treating The Man with such disrespect. Even contempt. As if he doesn’t matter. As less than another. As less than me. Please change my heart on this. Show me how to love him and treat him with respect. To show him he is important to me. Please, Father.

It is because I have no respect for myself, isn’t it? Not an excuse, an observation. It’s a sin, this self-loathing. Lack of respect for self. It is a sin. Because I am Your child. I am loved. By You. I am worthy. Because of Your love for me. Your joy in me. I am one of Your chosen. As is my husband. Our children.

It’s all about me again, isn’t it?

I hate that.

7 thoughts on “Post 150…More Proof I am Still Becoming This Girl.

  1. I’m so excited to start this study next month–sounds like such a good one.Prayed for you this morning and would love to write more, but gotta go get the girls up for school!Love you and am so proud of you for being diligent (as it says in Hebrews something:something!).Joanne

  2. Thank you for stopping by my blog. I am planning on calling my study of Psalm 119 “The Psalm 119 Challenge.” It is part of a bigger project that I am working on to get a congregational scripture memorization program started where we all memorize the same passages as a family.I am planning on posting about the challenge every couple of days until I make it through the entire Psalm. Then, I am not sure. I will see where God leads me.

  3. Oh girl, I feel you on this one! I definitely have these moments, too … and feel so awful afterwards. Glad God is in the transformation business!!

  4. He does love you so.He treasures you in fact. You are the apple of His eye. (No matter how wretched you act…)Thank you Jesus for your GRACE. We all depend on it for our breath.Love you Sooz!T

  5. Holy Schmoly macaroni that was good!!! I listened to Stepping Up over Christmas break. But with no homework and no DVD visuals its not nearly as good as the “real thing.” Still good but you can’t get the full effect.Anyway, i just loved what you had to say about this. I’m actually going to go back and read it again.Hugs~

  6. This is so easy to fall into…I have prayed your prayer many times, and HE does answer. Love you Princess, and keeping us siestas in prayer to be a pic of HIM especially to our families.

  7. It was a blessing to see how you allied yourself.What I mean by that is that you didn’t just try to fix your behavior, but instead asked God what was behind it and THEN renewed your mind. You removed the lie and replaced it with the truth, His truth.I think that is awesome! Many blessings on your day,Julie

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