We Interrupt this Regularly Scheduled Programming for a Pity Party.

It’s Day Three with David. Beth Moore’s focus, on Day Three, is with Hannah and Elkanah and the much longed for and prayed for conception and birth of Samuel.

I long for and pray for things, too

Elkanah’s other wife, Penny, had children but Hannah had none.

Yeah, I’ve been there. The other women have it all. Great kids, great husband, big house, fancy car, perfectly manicured nails and an unlimited bank account. I’ve got nothing.

Year after year, Elkanah went to make sacrifices and worship and pray for a child for his beloved (she’s lucky she is beloved) wife. He prays, he sacrifices. He probably does it all at home and waits on her hand and foot, too.

Penny lorded her child-bearing-womb over Hannah’s empty one.

Those women walking around in their designer clothes, blowing past me on the parkway comfy in their leather interior heated seated sports cars, as I plow along in my mini-van (okay, it DOES have leather interior heated seats), walking into Nordstroms while I head for Target.

Penny provoked Hannah until she made Hannah weep and not eat. I’m sure she’s a perfect size 9.

Clearly, my heart was not on 1 Samuel 1 and the study of David.

My heart and my head were focused solely on myself. I read and re-read the scripture passages this morning and the only thing I could pull out of it was…

Hannah is so lucky and I’m so not

I wonder how I got to this place today? Does it just build and build inside of me until I just implode, crumpling to this state of self-pity and even self-loathing?

I can’t seem to get past my own failings lately. I am only able to focus on the lackings and not the blessings.

I hate this place I am in.

I long for it to pass.

I cry out to my God Who is, for the moment, unseen, unheard, unresponsive.

And I go about my day.

6 thoughts on “We Interrupt this Regularly Scheduled Programming for a Pity Party.

  1. Dearest Susan,Praying for you today. I had a pity party yesterday so I know just what it’s like!So funny, you know, because other women probably look at you and think you have it all.There’s always a story behind every story–as my uncle Jim says–and so often the women I envy are busy envying me. Then we peel off our masks and connect heart to heart and find out we’re all in the same boat. Women desperate for God, desperate for each other.Love you dearly!Joanne

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  2. Wish I was sitting next to you at Starbucks…I so love you Susan. I just read I Samuel 1 in my QT yesterday or day before and yeah I did put 2:4 on my post that “the bows of the warriors are broken but those who stumbled are armed with strength.” I have a broken bow just like you but God is arming us with His strength. 2:9 says it’s not by our strength that one prevails and you know that. But He lifts us up from the ash heap—only He can do that and 2:9 praying that He will guard your feet for you are His saint. May none of His words to you 3:19 fall to the ground. You won’t let them Susan! You are absolutely so precious! And He is all over you! Yes He is!

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