I long for and pray for things, too
Elkanah’s other wife, Penny, had children but Hannah had none.
Yeah, I’ve been there. The other women have it all. Great kids, great husband, big house, fancy car, perfectly manicured nails and an unlimited bank account. I’ve got nothing.
Year after year, Elkanah went to make sacrifices and worship and pray for a child for his beloved (she’s lucky she is beloved) wife. He prays, he sacrifices. He probably does it all at home and waits on her hand and foot, too.
Penny lorded her child-bearing-womb over Hannah’s empty one.
Those women walking around in their designer clothes, blowing past me on the parkway comfy in their leather interior heated seated sports cars, as I plow along in my mini-van (okay, it DOES have leather interior heated seats), walking into Nordstroms while I head for Target.
Penny provoked Hannah until she made Hannah weep and not eat. I’m sure she’s a perfect size 9.
Clearly, my heart was not on 1 Samuel 1 and the study of David.
My heart and my head were focused solely on myself. I read and re-read the scripture passages this morning and the only thing I could pull out of it was…
Hannah is so lucky and I’m so not
I wonder how I got to this place today? Does it just build and build inside of me until I just implode, crumpling to this state of self-pity and even self-loathing?
I can’t seem to get past my own failings lately. I am only able to focus on the lackings and not the blessings.
I hate this place I am in.
I long for it to pass.
I cry out to my God Who is, for the moment, unseen, unheard, unresponsive.
And I go about my day.