November 1st fell on a Sunday this year. For someone who always thinks of Fall and the beginning of the Holiday Season as the true beginning of a New Year (like me) this was magical. Maybe it has to do with being raised Episcopalian and the liturgical year begins with Advent?
In any case, the leaves this year were, and really still are, incredible. And the weather, even with the rain (which we need) has been glorious.
For the record, I have yet to play a single Christmas song. I usually begin shopping and playing Christmas tunes in October. I don’t even know who I am anymore.
Which reminds me: pretending just isn’t working for me these days. *nice segue, no?*
Doing things I don’t want to do and pretending that I do. I’m not talking about cleaning toilets and doing laundry. Although those of you who know me/have read my blog these last few years, know that I actually love doing laundry. But don’t tell My Man…for some reason (lack of clean undies maybe) he has taken over the laundry and honestly? I couldn’t be happier.
I’ve really struggled with writing lately. Still trying to find my voice. *insert snort nose laugh here*
I know my voice. I know who I am. I know how I am supposed to write. That whole pretending/fear thing kicks in right about now, however.
So I just stopped writing. I stopped writing here; I stopped writing to people; I stopped writing in my journal. And it has really impacted my attitude about everything and made me even a little more difficult to live with (imagine what that must be like for my people). I don’t have the release of unloading in my writing that I used to have. And, I have yet to get my bum off the sofa and really start getting back into the shape I want to/need to be in for My Girl’s wedding.
Side note: My Man has been Crushing. It. He looks incredibly gorgeous these days. He has dropped 25ish pounds and is really focusing at the gym. Seriously. I lucked out with this guy.
My fibromyalgia has been kicking my butt the last 6 months and I am just now starting to come out of the cycle of that. Even there, I feel like I pretend. Don’t get me wrong…the pain, the fatigue, the inability to function is REAL. The pretend part is…stress and fear contribute to that and I know I have no reason to stress; I have no reason to fear. So why do I? Why do any of us?
Sometime over the next week I will be putting up a book review. Page 1 of the introduction had me hooked. It is a must read if you are wanting to pump up or even just start your prayer life. Lord knows, I need to. See? Not pretending.
And to continue with the no pretending…getting back into writing is so stinkin’ hard, y’all. Just like working out again. Once I get back into it? I will be hooked. But for now…writing and getting out of the bed and to the gym just sucks.
I am sorry you have to suffer through the start up of me writing again, but I appreciate you hanging in there and for all of your encouraging comments and text messages and emails about it.
See you tomorrow for Day 3. But, first: drop me a comment about some of the areas in your life that you feel like you are a pretender.