1. Just because a car raced up along side you at the stop light doesn’t mean the driver wants to race. Necessarily. But floor it when the light turns green, anyway. Just in case.
2. Nothing depresses or frustrates more than trying on dresses at the store. Except for trying on bathing suits. Also, nothing motivates more.
3. Men: just because you are legally able to go without a shirt doesn’t mean you should. Some of you…ever.
4. If you are not happy with all of the crap you have already…what makes you think you are going to be happy with more crap?
5. Kale is of the devil.
6. As are dressing room mirrors.
7. Puppies are really cute, sweet and lovable. Until they poop and pee on your floors; chase the cats; and chew on your favorite rug. Then, not so much.
8. Daughter’s should move out when they bring home a puppy to their parent’s house.
9. If your Pastor and his wife move in next door to you and it doesn’t work out…you are the one who will have to put your house on the market and move declaring you are “retiring.”
10.When your youngest child finally cleans his room, any manner of things will turn up that have been missing/lost for months. Including a vacuum cleaner.
11. When the first child goes off to Kindergarten, there is wailing, gnashing of teeth and rendering of garments for days. The kid’s backpack weighs more than he does and matches his lunch bag. You personally meet his teacher and check in with her regularly and you are the first one to volunteer to be room mother.
12. When the second child goes off to Kindergarten, there are tears as you wave goodbye to the bus. Her backpack is well stocked and trendy, but not stuffed to the top. Her lunch fits nicely into brown paper bags and, for the first month or so, you actually write her name on the bag. You are happy to meet her teachers and you offer to help out the room mother, you know…if she ever needs something.
13. When the third child starts his senior year of high school, there is much jubilation, including cartwheels down the school hallway during your very last back to school night. You meet each of his teacher’s but only to wish them, “good luck with that.” The kid has never, ever, since the first day of Kindergarten, taken his lunch to school and you have, indeed, forgotten (many times) to add money to his lunch card. Several weeks into his senior year, you toss a couple bucks at the kid one morning and say, “go buy yourself some pencils and a few notebooks…that should do ya.”
Love you guys!
P.S. #9 above is to get even with my Pastor’s wife who put on the prayer list this week: “Pray for the Allen’s as they are having trouble with their next door neighbors…”