Retreat Post #1.

Keep forgetting to mention that my 2012 word is Focus. Oh how this made me LOL and say to God, “really? Are You sure?” Cuz seriously. Although one year, let me think when…oh yes, it was during a marriage seminar thingy and we each had to go around and say one word to describe our spouse. My word for my husband was “selfless.” I said it with such piety. And I turned to him to hear his wonderful, humble word for me: “focused.” What the heck? FOCUSED? That might as well have been DRIVEN; or…or…or…NAGGING…or…PERSISTENT; or UNRELENTING…you get the point. Focused. Really? After that we never went back. Seriously. We didn’t. But not because of the word “focused.” *it was the weekend after this changing point in our marriage that Beth collapsed in her bathroom and the marriage seminar just was not the important thing happening in our lives*

Where was I…oh yes. Focus.

It’s really not what you think. It’s not so much “focus on the important things” or “you really need to focus at work” although I do need to do both of these things after 2011. No…it really means “turn your focus to Me.”

Because my focus has definitely not been on God.

It has been on me; my woes; my troubles; my issues; my weight; my eating habits; my family; my grief; my family’s grief; my my my…me me me.

Funny how turning my focus on Him takes all the focus off of me and my. That has always been a problem of mine. Focusing on me and how everything else, everyone else impacts me. That is a huge part of the life of That Girl. The selfish one. The self-absorbed one. Not to say I still don’t turn the focus on me. Clearly. That has been a problem lately. *see the first sentence of the first paragraph of this post*

Anyhoo, today was definitely a “turn inward and focus on me” day. I was angry; hurt; in pain; did I mention angry? When I feel this way, and really allow myself to wallow in it…danger, danger, danger.

Difference now? I recognize the path to danger. While my head was splitting from a migraine, and I struggled with some serious anger, I started cleaning. My go to comfort fix these days. I threw out tons of stuff, dumped my junk drawer on the counter and ditched 3/4 of it, vacuumed, dusted, etc. I should have been at Small Group. Trust me…they were better off without me this morning. But My Girl did shame me into keeping our scheduled pedi appointment and that was the best decision I made today. Sure…I griped and complained the entire 2 mile drive there and she clucked and nodded and sympathized with me and then we got there and settled into the vibrating chairs that nearly knocked us into the foot bath, and it was good. All good. Exactly what I needed. We laughed; we cried; we sat and reflected. And we got the same nail color on our toes.

Focus. I think I’m going to like this word. With all of its meanings.

Love you guys.