The way I thought it would be. It wasn’t.

You do it, too. You have in your head how it is going to be. How it is going to look. The way it is all going to turn out.

And then it doesn’t.

So you have a choice.

Do I whine, pout, stomp my foot in anger? disappointment? frustration? selfishness?

Or do I just go with it?

I have heard so many times the thought that life isn’t as much about what happens but how we react to what happens.

Today didn’t turn out as I had expected. The things I wanted to happen…didn’t. The people I wanted to be a part of it…weren’t.

And I wish I could say I didn’t whine. Or pout. Or stomp my foot. I was angry. Disappointed. Frustrated. Selfishly.

For a very brief moment in time.

And then I chose to just Be. Over. It.

And I am. Over. It.

Okay, I’m holding onto some of it for a bit longer. To figure out what exactly I am supposed to now do about it. To seek what to do about it. If anything.

I can tell you that my handsome, gorgeous first born son graduated from high school today. And I am so proud to call him my son. And ready to smack him upside the head. But that is the norm in our relationship.

I can tell you that I am thankful that my husband had the brilliant idea to photograph said first born son last Thursday when he brought home his cap and gown and tried it on for us, with his medal and Quill & Scroll cord. Those few pics are the only ones we have of him in his cap & gown.

I can tell you that it poured like the sky was falling as graduation ended and we were unable to get any photos together and now his cap & gown are soggy, running and ruined. So there will be no more photos.

I can tell you that a few people really, really disappointed me today. And that this just might be the last of the 70×7 I have left in me. Not that I stop loving them. But I no longer reach out, accept, tolerate like I used to.

I can tell you I will continue to pray about it.

I can tell you that my best friend from high school, whom I’ve sort of distanced myself from lately, has come back into my life because we have both changed. And it’s good. And we’re supposed to be there for each other. And she has been, as best as she is able.

I can tell you that I didn’t cry at all during graduation today, that it continues to be all bottled up in me, ready to let loose at any moment.

And lawsy…is it ever going to be UGG-LEE. But it is also going to be O-KAY.

And, I can tell you that I am ready for some major change.

It’s not just that our oldest is leaving and going away to college for the first time. Although he is.

It’s not just that our middle child, my beautiful girl, is going to be a senior in high school in the fall. Although she is.

It’s not just that my youngest child, my baby, my momma’s boy, is going into the 7th grade in the fall. Although he is.

It is time for me…Susan…to make some changes. Not just to go with the flow. Not just to ride the wave. But to live intentionally.

I had such a great week. Yes, it was wild and crazy and busy. But I hadn’t been that happy, that full of basic, pure joy in…well…forever it seems like.

Even though most of my days didn’t go as I had planned. Most of the events didn’t turn out the way I had planned.

It wasn’t my plan anyway. It was His. And He totally knew what He was doing. Again.

I love that.

Oh, and…bonus! I got these today to wear to graduation…aren’t they the cutest!?

You KNOW that change is afoot (get it…shoes…afoot) if This Girl is posting about shoes!

7 thoughts on “The way I thought it would be. It wasn’t.

  1. WOW! That was some good stuff right there Ms. Susan. I mean goooooood stuff. I hope today was a good day. I hope the week is a full week of many wonderful things.Stay near Him. Love,Fran

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