I realized this morning during my quiet time that I am too busy.
Yes, this is yet another (obvious) revelation I have had. I’ve recognized it before but have not known how/why to deal with it before. It seems to me that the bible is a bit contradictory on the subject. We are to love one another as ourselves, right? So that means putting self aside and putting others first. Doesn’t “others” include what others want/need me to do? For example, putting my husband before myself. Doesn’t that then mean that I must do what he asks me to do? Which usually involves running our children around everywhere, doing things for him and for our children, yadda yadda. I also work outside our home. And then there’s the laundry. The cooking. The cleaning. The quality time. The sex (notice I included that separately because as busy as I am, it is just one more thing on the list).
So then. Do I give up everything else? Because obviously, my husband’s list of things for me to do is great. I don’t have time for anything else. For anyone else.
So this is notice that I will no longer be doing anything other than what my husband asks me to do. No helping out at church (including VBS). No meeting with friends (at least not without him). No getting together for bible studies and the like. No meeting at Starbucks or for lunch.
Had you going for a second, didn’t I?
Okay, so then. If not that, how/where do I get the balance?
Thankfully, I had another revelation (yes, two in one quiet time! God IS good.)
It’s obvious that I can’t continue on the same path. I’m just going to have a total meltdown if I do.
The March of Dimes phoned last night. Sounds so simple to just come up with 15 names and addresses and pop the letters into the mail. For all of you, it might very well have been something simple and easy and doable. I started panicking at the mere thought of taking this on. How/when/where would I be able to do it? I said no to the march of dimes lady and now hundreds of children will die. (Oh, the guilt of saying no!)
Sounds trite. Sounds religious. Sounds smarty-pants. But the answer is one He keeps telling me over and over and in many different ways. Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Not only my eyes, but my heart, my soul, my mind, my very being.
What does that look like? How do I do that? (Questions I’m asking Him.) I like to THINK BIG. When actually, He’s asked me to do something very small. Turn my eyes upon Him. Open my heart to hear Him.
Having said all of that…I have been so grumpy the past few days (okay, months). But especially this week. I am so frustrated with my children and my spouse and our church. Am I the only one that can see what needs to be done and what isn’t getting done? Where does all of this apathy come from? Are we all just so weary and tired and busy that we just don’t care/won’t care/can’t care anymore?
A collective Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus is in order!