I Let Go.

I love country music. My first memory of hearing country music is of my dad playing Johnny Cash-Live at San Quentin State Prison. In my memory, Johnny Cash played all of the time at our house. I’m sure that’s not true. My mom was known to crank some Diana Ross and also The 5th Dimension…hello, Age of Aquarius/Let the Sunshine in. Bad Company and the Eagles were the first two albums I ever had of my very own. Totally fit right in with my rock n’ roll/rebellion era. But country music and I go way back and, while I still love rock and most music including classical, if you ride with me in Fancy Pants *The Wild Boy’s nickname for my new car,* you’ll probably hear country music.

One of my current faves is Dierks Bentley’s I Hold On. I’m a huge fan of Dierks and this song does not disappoint. Being a bonafide control freak, I Hold On is right down my ally and could be my theme song in life. Has been, thus far. I hold on to stuff. I want to hold on to my children. I hold on to the pain. I hold on to the bad stuff that has happened, been said or I have done. I hold on…to everything. It’s all about control, baby.

That’s not God’s plan for me. For us. I shared with y’all my book ban fail last week. Turns out I was wise to fail that day. Whispers of Hope is just what I need. Today’s devotion, Day Three, was a huge ah-ha smack in the gut. It’s not about me. Yes, I knew that already. But really, it’s not about me. It’s not about what I want everyone else to be doing. It’s not about what I want to focus on. It’s not about what I want to write about. I guess it all boils down to this: why are we here? Right now. Today. In this place. To focus on ourselves? To do whatever the heck we want; when we want to? And when I’m saying we…I’m really meaning me.

I don’t believe…finally…that it is all about me. Or ever about me, except for how me relates to we. I have to be honest with y’all…being totally focused on me is exhausting and frustrating. So I’m letting go of me. I mean, it hasn’t been working for me for 53 years now so maybe it’s time to try something new? I’m thinking that focusing on God and what He wants me to be doing is going to take the pressure off. Focusing on giving and serving and just plain old loving those around me. Oh, and that doesn’t mean I get to slack *continue to slack* when it comes to loving me and taking care of me. Just the opposite, I think. I can’t do anything without taking care of me. I don’t think that is selfish. I think it is obedience.

One thought on “I Let Go.

  1. Good post. It continues to surprise me how similar we are in character…I also hold on to everything- all my stuff, pain, all the bad stuff that has happened, been said or I have done…EVERYTHING. (And I'm right with you on Whispers of Hope…now day 4.) Love!

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