I have been gone. You didn’t realize it because I’ve hid it well. But if you really know me, you will have noticed that my posts recently haven’t mentioned a single reference to my God and Savior.
I really didn’t even know I was gone, truthfully. Oh, the signs were there, all right. The back pain. The comment from My Girl that included the words, “you” and “bipolar”. The unopened bible. The firmly closed journal. The sleepless nights. The confusion, anger, fatigue.
Yep. I was totally gone.
But I’m back now. I spent the last couple of weeks straightening up and redecorating My Pit. And it looked mah-va-lous! It really did. I changed it around a bit, spruced it up, and settled in for the long haul.
Lying in bed (deep down in my comfy, cozy pit), I finally looked at my surroundings and realized…
I had done it again.
Without even realizing it, I had dived headlong into The Pit again. I’m sure I just tested the waters a bit ago…stuck my big toe in and liked it. Before I knew it, I was completely submerged. I can clearly trace my path. The fog has now lifted and I can see the thoughts and actions laid out before me like a chocolate cookie line of temptation.
Thankfully, My God is Good! He gave me a little shake (okay, a big thump on the head) this morning. I think it was when I swirled around my brain the fact that I really didn’t think I was saved.
WHOA!
I was Doubting My Salvation.
Talk about a wake-up call!
So I did something that That Girl would never have done. I ran straight for my journal and my bible and begged for mercy, clarity and grace.
And, don’t ya know…I got it!
Oh, how I love His Word!
He led me straight to John and Philippians and a snippet of Hebrews.
As I read His Sweet, soothing Word, I could feel the pain, the anger, the fatigue leave my very soul and the light returned.
John 6:39.
And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all that he has given me, but raise them up at the last day.
My Life Application Study Bible puts it Oh So Assuringly:
“Jesus said he would not lose even one person whom the Father had given him. Thus anyone who makes a sincere commitment to believe in Jesus Christ as Savior is secure in God’s promise of eternal life. Christ will not let his people be overcome by Satan and lose their salvation.”
I don’t know about y’all, but that pretty much seals the deal on my way of thinking.
Let’s hear a GLORY! out there from the Beth Moore Groupies!
It is so good to be Home again.
susanwheelersmith.com 
Oh yeah. I can relate.My entire life has been a two-steps-forward-one-step-back journey of faith.Luckily the steps forward have gotten bigger and the back steps have gotten smaller. But it’s still a cycle I struggle with. I just recognized I’d taken a step back about a week ago. I’d gotten lazy about my quiet time and my zeal was not as strong. When I did sit down with my Bible I didn’t feel the Holy Spirit helping me to discern and apply my reading. God just wasn’t at the forefront of my mind for the time-being. For me, it’s always a pride thing. I want to go it alone. My will. My way. By myself. I don’t want to be vulnerable. I don’t want to humble myself before God.I don’t recognize it at the time, of course. Only after the fact. Major WHOA!But it’s so easy to take those two steps forward again. God is soooooo gracious! I love that feeling of being back in the groove. Suddenly priorities shift. Everything makes sense again. That feeling of peace, and security, and clarity. SO glad you’re back. And you’ve inspired me to fully commit to being back, too!!
LikeLike
I understand COMPLETELY…. is former pit-dwellers have to watch out b/c while sometimes we think we are just VISITIN’ next thing you know, we’ve unpacked, set up shop, and officially change our address. Satan loves to play mind games with us, “just a toe in the pit won’t hurt” he tells us!!Sister— run HARD from that pit. Don’t even stick around to see what might happen, jump feet first into HIS word and don’t look back.Glad you are back- you’re in my prayers.
LikeLike
Susan,This give me a lot of insight into what is going through your mind right now. God has called you back to Him and it is very clear that you love being there.Natalee
LikeLike
how is your day going? I was praying for you today?? Hope you are doing well, clinging to God. XOXOXO, Jackie
LikeLike
Girl, I have been there! So thankful for how “THIS Girl” did go straight to Him, and for how He met you there with just the right words. He is so tender and patient with us, isn’t He?
LikeLike
(Found you from Sincerely Anna)Glory!Thanks for this post. It rings so true to me. Thanks for allowing God to use you. Isn’t it awesome that he can use you in the pit, out of the pit & even coming out of the pit?!
LikeLike
A siesta, not a groupie lol.Hello there:) Found your blog through Faith’s.I would say that reading your thoughts just now; and not reading the rest yet; I can tell you that you would definitely be one to be called, ” God-chaser”, which is totally cool; when things get rough and you know you aren’t where you should be…you high tail it back to Jesus:-)Very nice siesta.I have been where you are many times; Just remember don’t beat yourself up, because that can become an idol of pride over our thoughts that we think are taking us close to Jesus.You are loved:)Be Blessed:)Angie
LikeLike